You will not survive grad school if you don’t learn to ask for help.
My advisor told me in my first year that I had to learn to start asking for help or I wouldn’t survive the program. Asking for help was a challenge for me: I don’t always notice when I need help. I’m scared to admit vulnerability. I’m not sure whether it’s a good question or not. I’m not sure if the person I ask will use it against me or actually give me good advice.
Ask for advice early and often.
For big things (e.g., research projects) and small (e.g., this conference is overwhelming), asking for help early – as soon as you notice you are struggling or even before you are struggling – makes it easier for people to help. The Preparing to Teach Algebra project began in August, 2011. We had our first advisory board meeting four months later in December, 2011. In their written response, our advisory board thanked us for meeting with them early enough in the project that we could use them effectively. They were able to help us find our way before we got too far off track.
Later in that school year, I co-presented with members of the Strengthening Tomorrow’s Education in Measurement project at the annual conference of National Council of Teachers of Mathematics (NCTM). I attended the research session and the regular conference, so I was there for a week. After the first day, I was overwhelmed with the sights, noises, and social interaction. I asked a colleague what I could do and she told me she had the same problem and her strategy was to sometimes put on large headphones – even if she didn’t turn on music. It indicated to the people around her that she was not to be disturbed, and she could take the time to reset. This experience of confessing my struggle, finding out it was shared, and that someone had a strategy to deal was simply amazing. It helped me learn that I can ask for help.
Team- and Community-building
Many people enjoy feeling useful and enjoy feeling smart. Asking for help isn’t only about you and showing weakness. It’s about giving other people a chance to help you, a chance to show their thinking, and a chance to see that they aren’t they one with that struggle. By asking for and receiving help, you can build bonds that create a strong team or community.
Getting smarter by sharing strategies
In K-8 mathematics methods courses, we share the value of sharing and discussing strategies in order to understand mathematics more deeply. Sharing strategies is helpful in more than mathematics, but also in life. We all have room to learn from each other and develop more sophisticated strategies of dealing with challenges.